Posts Tagged ‘arizona’

“The Oft-Defeated” may be the stake Sarah drove into her own heart

No, I haven’t seen it, and now that I’m not going to use a viewing in Phoenix as the kickoff to the e-single that would have been Sarah Palin’s Arizona, I don’t intend to.

But it’s the same as reading Bristol’s “book,” or Levi’s upcoming “book”:  I don’t have to view or read to know how appalling these products are.

Many years ago, when I contacted the late William Safire to try to arrange an interview about his impressions of Teddy Kennedy, he courteously declined, saying, “I don’t kick ’em when they’re down.”

I’d feel the same way about Sarah, Bristol and Levi–The Unholy Trinity–except that they refuse to admit that they’re down yet, and mass media, as personified most recently by the revolting Jay Leno, keep them propped up, trying to squeeze the last dollar out of pretending to take them seriously, even as these unholy three try to squeeze the last dollar out of their Wasilla Hillbilly act.

See Leno disgracing himself here, and also enjoy Gryphen’s commentary. For once, the squalid Don Rickles was in his element.

Talk about marriages made in hell.

We can, however, cut the kids some slack. After all, Bristol learned only from her mother (certainly never at school,) and Levi (who still doesn’t have a high school degree) woke up one day to find he’d won the Impregnation Lottery, and why shouldn’t he try to make an easy buck, since he has no skills that would enable him to earn an honest one?

But Sarah is different.

In THE ROGUE, I write about Sarah’s close association with a Christian Dominionist leader named C. Peter Wagner, who founded an organization called Global Harvest Ministries.

Wagner’s goal–and the goal of Sarah Palin–is to end the separation of church and state in America, and to turn our country into a Christian Dominionist theocracy.

Before Global Harvest Ministries, Wagner co-founded, with Ted Haggard–later disgraced when it was learned he’d used crystal meth during homosexual trysts–an outfit called
the World Prayer Center, in Colorado Springs, CO.

As I write in THE ROGUE:

The center has been described in Charisma magazine as “a spiritual version of the Pentagon”—the command center for Wagner’s worldwide campaign against demons.

Trust me, you’ve never heard lunacy like this.

I lay it all out in THE ROGUE, but I can offer one brief excerpt here:

Members of Wagner’s Third Wave/New Apostolic Reformation are convinced that their prayers can literally destroy individuals whom they’ve identified as demonic. Among those for whose deaths they claim credit are Mother Teresa and Princess Diana.
Wagner taught his followers that a female mega-demon whom he called…“The Great Harlot of Mystery Babylon” lurked near the summit of Mount Everest…One of Wagner’s leading apostles in Mexico was a woman named Ana Mendez, a former witch in a Haitian voodoo cult…she led a team of twenty-six intercessors to Mount Everest in an assault she called, “Operation Ice Castle.” She and her elite force launched highly targeted intercessory prayers directly at the Great Harlot…Apparently, the prayers found their mark, killing the Harlot Queen.

This is the stuff Sarah believes and acts upon. But you won’t see it in the new movie about her.

Even so, the new movie is so awful as to be laughed off the screen by professional reviewers of all political persuasions.

See this from Politico (not exactly a left-wing site.)

Sarah encouraged this poor sap Bannon to spend his millions in an attempt to save her from her own banality, ugliness, and freaky Christian Dominionism.

That he fell flat on his face  has now become painfully apparent.

Not that there was any way he could have succeeded.

After all, when your subject is a sow’s ear (aka “The Great Harlot of Wasilla”), it’s tough to make a silk purse.

Sarah would have been better off keeping her distance from this farce. But by showing up in Iowa for its very first public showing, she tied her future to its credibility and its success.

As is now evident, it has neither.

Hoping for even more silk for her purse, she’s managed only to drive a stake–if not through her heart–at least through her own sow’s ear.

Yet one more defeat for “The Oft-Defeated.”

 

Catching Up


It’s been a busy few days, what with the ThrillerFest award and all the discussions about heading for Arizona to write an e-single called Sarah Palin’s Arizona. The bottom line on that was that at this point in my career I’m not going to start writing without getting paid for it (except for this blog, which I’m doing, yes, to increase awareness of THE ROGUE in advance of its September publication, but also because I enjoy interacting online with all of you: or most of you, anyway.)

The way electronic publishing is evolving for magazine-length original pieces, the writer gets no fee or advance up front but is guaranteed a share in sales revenue down the line. If I did a Kindle Single directly for amazon, I’d get 70 percent of eventual revenues, but then Barnes & Noble would be unhappy because they want people to buy Nooks, not Kindles. And if you have a potentially big book scheduled for fall publication you don’t want to make Barnes & Noble–the country’s largest retailer of actual physical books–unhappy in the summer.

So you write an e-article that is not a Kindle Single exclusive and can also be downloaded on the Nook, the iPad, and across all other electronic platforms. But who pays you to do that? The answer, in this case, turned out to be no one. I was offered a deal whereby an e-partner would electronically “publish” Sarah Palin’s Arizona, but in return would take half of my 70 percent share of sales revenue. And would not pay me any sort of fee or advance for doing the three to four weeks of work involved in reporting and writing, but would only agree to pay a nominal sum to offset my expenses.

No thanks. This arrangement was described to me as a partnership, but I said, “Yeah, it’s like a partnership between a lion and a lamb.”

The further into the 21st century we progress, it seems that more people are devising more ways to not pay writers for their work. See Huffington Post as the most offensive and egregious example. And, believe me, even Daily Beast fees are–to be generous about it–minimal.

Not that it broke my heart not to spend up to two weeks in Arizona at the height of summer. The fact is that it will feel good not to have to write anything more about Sarah Palin. I’ve even spent days at a time recently not even thinking about Sarah Palin. Not thinking about her was accompanied by a strange feeling I recognized from my distant past. I asked Nancy, who’s been with me since 1970, what she thought it might be. She said, “Happiness?”

Bingo! There will come a day late this fall when I’ll be able to throw up my arms, jump in the air, and shout out, “Free at last!”

That, of course, leads to the question of what to do next.

When I met Rosanne Cash recently at her concert at Bard College, alma mater of my son James the Agent , I told her I’d like to write next about someone I admired and respected, whose life and work had inspired me throughout my own life, as did Rosanne’s father, Johnny.

Thinking more about this in recent days I’ve found myself thinking about Bruce Springsteen. I first heard his music in the mid-1970’s, when Philly radio stations started playing it and Nancy and I were living in New Jersey. (We think of the 1970s as either “Joe and Nancy: the Jersey Years,” or, more simply, “The Lost Decade.”)

But I’ve watched and listened as Bruce grew, both as musical talent and man, over the many years since. He’s become, even more than Bob Dylan (whom I consider a demigod), our Walt Whitman: poet of the common man, lover of democracy, personification of what we as a nation can be at our best.

I’ve read Dave Marsh’s excellent Two Hearts, but, especially in light of the recent passing of Clarence Clemons, I think it might be time for me to do my own celebration of BRUCE SPRINGSTEEEN: AMERICAN.

It’s sure more fun to think about than it is to think about Sarah.

And listen here to Rosanne’s great duet with Bruce on “Sea of Heartbreak.”2-17 Sea of Heartbreak (feat. Bruce Springsteen)

HOWEVER: I can’t put Sarah behind me just yet. She got that Newsweek puff cover, she’s got Greta Van Susteren saying she’s running, and the GOP field continues to display its inadequacy. At some point, she has to figure, “Why not?” If she doesn’t, Bachmann takes her mojo away. If she does, she becomes the white hot center of U.S. politics once again. I’ll have more to say about this in days to come, but for tonight I’m going to listen to Springsteen and feel happy that I don’t have to board a flight to Phoenix tomorrow morning.

I’ll know about the Arizona trip tomorrow

Perhaps the least-mentioned aspect of the nonfiction book author’s life is the amount of time spent sitting around waiting for other people to make decisions. Primarily, this is a function of the costs involved in journalism (the same reason why you see less and less of it these days.) Opinions are cheap and plentiful. Journalism, which involves at the least travel & lodging, can be expensive.

Tomorrow, the powers that be–of whom I’m not one–will either make it possible for me to write “Sarah Palin’s Arizona” as a Kindle Single, or not.

I’ll let you know asap and I apologize to those whose plans are dependent on waiting for me to say it’s definite.

Honestly now…//UPDATE: New neighbors offer advice via NYTimes

…if you had the choice of spending the summer on an air-conditioned bus (or, more likely, on an air-conditioned private plane that could drop you at a private airfield so you could board the bus minutes before your next destination and pretend to have been on it all along) or here:

where summertime temps reach 120 and where you can’t putter in your “little garden,” or mow the lawn with Trig on your back, and where there’s no “children’s play area” (unless you want to turn them into lizards), and where you yourself would fry in five minutes in your “shorts and tank top,” and where there’s no “family swimming hole,” not to mention no place for Todd to land his float plane…well, which would you choose?

Not to mention that your Political Action Committee can hardly ask people to donate for you to stay home.

Sarah tried that once, charging the state of Alaska per-diem for working out of her house on Lake Lucille, claiming that she was entitled because Wasilla wasn’t her “duty station.”

No wonder that this year she’s opting for the bus.  Take a good look at that house and property (and, yes, that’s the compound she just bought and is moving into, even erecting a new fence around it):  she spends a summer there and by September we’ll be calling her Osarah Bin Laden.

There’ll always be time next year for her new TLC show:  Sarah Palin’s Arizona.

UPDATE:

NY Times (and who’s more “lamestream” than them?)  offers Sarah advice from her new Scottsdale neighbors.

The one I feel sorry for is Monica Rahman,

who says that even though “the commotion was scaring her horses,” she’s “excited to have a new neighbor.”

The well-intentioned Ms. Rahman says she “plans to bring cookies to the Palins.”

I hope she’s ready to leave them at the outer gate.  Having been a Palin neighbor, I’m pretty sure she won’t be welcomed with open arms.

Especially not after having spoken to the New York Times.

Good luck, Monica!  Just check in here if you feel you need advice.

 

 

 

“THE OFT-DEFEATED”—the OTHER Sarah Palin movie coming in June

 


 

 

 

 

 

THE OFT-DEFEATED

A DOCUMENTARY IN FOUR SCENES…WITH FIFTH SCENE TO COME LATER THIS YEAR OR NEXT.

 

SCENE 1: 1984

The film opens at the finals of the Miss Alaska Pageant, 1984.

LONG SHOT of contestants on stage.

VOICEOVER: “And the winner is……..”

CLOSEUP of expectant SARAH Heath

VOICEOVER: “Maryline Blackburn!”

 

 

 

 

 

MARYLINE BLACKBURN IN 2010

 

CLOSEUP of SARAH whispering to GOD: “I froze my ass off for you in Big Beaver or Little Beaver or one of them Beaver lakes when I got immersed for you in 1976.  Don’t you ever let some black bitch beat me again!”

 

SCENE 2: 1997

Mayor SARAH sits with supporters at Wasilla Assembly of God church, looking at newspaper headlines proclaiming that the Alaska Supreme Court has just permanently prohibited Wasilla’s Valley Medical Center from banning second-trimester abortions.

SARAH: “That’s why we need Christian judges: so no branch of any federal or state government will ever bitch-slap Jesus again.”

OTHERS: “Amen! Amen, Sister Sarah! Amen, Queen Esther!”

Others leave. SARAH returns to her MAYOR’S OFFICE. She places a call.

SARAH: “Hey, Savior-Man, what’s up? You just slammed another door in my face.”

GOD: “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, Sarah. I’m trying to toughen you up for bigger fights ahead.”

 

SCENE 3: 2002

Election Night at “Palin for Lieutenant Governor” headquarters. Early vote totals make it clear that SARAH will lose.

CLOSEUP of SARAH, now speaking on cellphone:

SARAH: “WTF, Big Guy? How tough do you think I need to be? If you’re going to have some dude make a movie about me nine years from now and call it The Undefeated, it might be nice if you’d let me win something for once.”

GOD: “I only want the best for you, and I only give my best. Remember though:  My ways are not your ways, my thoughts are not your thoughts…for as the heavens are higher than the earth, my ways are higher than yours! I wrote that all down for you in the Good Book! Look it up!”

SARAH: “Hey, chill a little. You’re God. You don’t have to use so many exclamation points.”

GOD: “Sorry, daughter, sometimes I get carried away. In any event, don’t sweat it. I’m going to send you a Down Syndrome baby who will make you the Republican nominee for vice president in 2008. And when you write Going Rogue you can quote me. You can even say, ‘I decided to write the letter as though it were from Trig’s Creator, the same Creator in whom I had put my trust more than thirty years before.’ You cool with that?”

SARAH: “Sure, but won’t there be copyright problems?”

GOD: “Not if you credit me properly. What do you think, I’m gonna sue?”

 

SCENE 4: 2008

LONG SHOT of McCain headquarters in Arizona. Cactuses wilt. Gila monsters curl into fetal positions. Rattlesnakes cry.   Slaves escape from the compound.  It’s obvious the McCain-Palin ticket has lost.

CLOSEUP of Sarah, talking to MCCAIN.

SARAH: “I wanna make my own speech.”

MCCAIN: “It’s just not customary. I can’t let you do it.”

SARAH: “Fuck you!  It wasn’t customary to pick an ignorant, narcissistic backstabber to run with you in the first place.  So don’t give me that ‘customary’ shit!

MCCAIN: “Listen, bitch: you dragged me down. You put that black Muslim in the White House. But I’m not going to let you steal my last act tonight.”

SARAH: “Let me tell you something, you wet old fart. If you’d have let me go rogue”—

INTERRUPTION as we hear “Onward Christian Soldiers” playing as a cell phone ring.

SARAH: “Excuse me, I’ve got to take this……Hello? Yes, this is her. Oh, God, good to hear from you. Hey, buddy, you didn’t open that door quite wide enough…..What’s that?……Yeah, yeah, that’s easy for you to say, but I’ve been defeated one more time, pal, and now I have to go back to effing Alaska. What circle of hell is that?!……Yeah, right, but you know what?  You sound like the Brooklyn Dodgers, always saying ‘wait till next year.’…….What’s that? You’ve got me a deal on a one-point-seven million dollar house in Scottsdale?……You’ve got me the presidential nomination in 2012?……Okay, okay, but not so fast. What about the 2012 election? I lost to that black bitch Blackburn for Miss Alaska back in the day, and everytime I see Michelle Obama all I can think of is that. So no deal, Bro’, unless this time you’re gonna take me all the way…..What? What’s that?……Sorry, you’re breaking up……

FADE TO BLACK