JOE McGINNISS

Sarah makes her own metaphors, which saves me some work.

But this one? Honestly, at first I thought it was a parody.

Someone sent me a link to a post, allegedly by Sarah Palin, that said, in regard to her upcoming visit to the Iowa State Fair:

I’m excited to try some of that famous fried butter-on-a-stick, fried cheesecake-on-a-stick, fried twinkies, etc. I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just “eat our peas”!

Surely, this wasn’t real.  Not even Sarah herself would say she was eager to eat fried butter on a stick.

But the line about “eat our peas” made me wonder.  Yes, Sarah is so resentful of Michelle Obama that she could take a cheap shot at the First Lady’s concern with improving the dietary habits of Americans in order to rein in our current epidemic of obesity.

So I went to SarahPAC and saw it was true–unless somebody hacked their account.

Then I started reading about the Iowa State Fair and saw that, yes, vendors really are offering fried butter on a stick.

And then I realized that Sarah has created her own perfect metaphor for herself.

She is fried butter on a stick.

She’s a grotesque novelty appropriate for a brief run on a carnival midway.

She offers only empty calories, no nutritional value.

She melts away to nothing when exposed to heat and light, leaving us looking for the nearest trash can, into which we can deposit the stick.

But Sarah’s carnival came and went in 2008.

Now she’s like a 1920’s vaudeville act in the age of talking pictures.

Her every attempt to recapture center stage becomes an exercise in self-humiliation.

Next stop on her bus tour?

Coney Island.

UPDATE: Report from the Fairgrounds

“Asked if she was ‘looking for votes,’ she told CBS News: ‘Looking for votes? I’m looking for hands to shake, and I’m looking for fried butter on a stick…'”

I sure hope the swarming media at the Iowa State Fair doesn’t blow the photo opp.

Britta’s mother spoke to Radaronline.com today about her pride in her new granddaughter.

She said:

“Kyla Grace is great.  She’s beautiful.  I’m very happy.  I love my daughter and my son-in-law very much”.

As for Sarah and Todd, Britta’s mom said only:

“They’re their own people; we’ve known each other for a long time.”

You can’t get much more diplomatic than that.

I met Britta’s father only once, for a handshake.  But a trusted friend told me he’s terrific.

Britta’s mother is said to be the same.

I met Track’s father only once.  He acted like a horse’s ass.

Track’s mother is said to be the same.

I met Track once and we had a brief but cordial conversation, about which I write in THE ROGUE.

I’ve never met Britta, but no one who knows her has ever said an unpleasant word about her to me.

So even if Sarah and Todd can’t be bothered to do it publicly, I’d like to step up and wish Track and Britta and their infant Kyla Grace Palin all the best.

Also:

so what when she gave birth?
so what when she got pregnant?
so what if Track and Britta got married three months ago, or if it won’t be “official” until this fall?

Their life is their business, and they’ve done nothing to try to profit by imposing it on us.

Only Track’s mother and father have done that. And continue to.

It’s only Sarah’s proven venality that makes me wonder why she hasn’t rushed to embrace Kyla Grace publicly.

I’d like to think it’s because–as some commenters here have suggested–Track and Britta have said no to selling public pictures of a private event.

I’d like to think these young parents (whether legally married or not) have made a joint decision not to let a mother/mother-in-law prostitute their infant daughter.

Given how Sarah pimped Trig and how Bristol is pimping Tripp, I can only wish them luck swimming upstream.

Conservatives4Palin, fresh from pretending to fill empty seats in movie theaters suckered into showing THE UNATTENDED, has a great new twofer idea:

It sounds like enough of our non-Iowa readers plan on being in Waukee, Iowa at the time of Governor Palin’s tea party speech on September 3rd at Highland Antique Acres in Waukee, Iowa that we could hold an informal C4P gathering perhaps on September 2nd for dinner before the event and then a dinner after her speech on September 3rd for whomever is still around. .

What a blast!

I can’t think of a bunch with whom I’d rather have an “informal gathering for dinner before…and then a dinner after…for whomever is still around.”

These Palinists sure know how to throw a party: “dinner before,” then “dinner after.”

My tireless research staff here at ROGUE CENTRAL has unearthed the menus planned for both dinners.

DINNER BEFORE: Taco mix in Frito bag, Slim Jim stirrer sold separately.

DINNER AFTER: Taco mix in Frito bag, paper towels for cleanup sold separately.

AFTER DINNER ENTERTAINMENT: RV race to Dairy Queen at 220 Highway 6: The driver of the winning Winnebago gets free Banana Cream Pie Flaming Strawberry Chocolate Mocha Vanilla Blizzard, with optional Cranberry Heath Bar Tornado Surprise, Lemon Pez Topping only $1.99 extra.

See you there?

Actually, I’ll probably be just down Laurel Street, washing away the tractor dust at Mickey’s Irish Pub, in the company of the fine Irish Tea Party lassies
who’ve kicked off the “Suck Straws for Sarah in 2012” campaign.

For this crown, there are all too many contenders, but I’ll give you the countdown:

8: The eight minutes I spent in Richard Nixon’s suite at the Waldorf Astoria hotel in New York the morning after he’d been elected president in 1968, watching Billy Graham walk around in his pin-striped suit and smug grin, saying, “We did it.”

7: The eight minutes I spent on Canadian national television, in a studio in Toronto, trying to explain–with the help of Sen. Eugene McCarthy, one of the greatest guys I ever knew–why the U.S. election of 1980 was decided the moment the polls closed, and why Ronald Reagan’s win over Jimmy Carter was so overwhelming.

6: The eight minutes I spent talking to the IRS on April 23, 1996–with my jaw still numb from my root canal–after they called to tell me that my tax returns for the previous five years were being audited.

5: The eight minutes I spent watching the top of the seventh inning of the Red Sox-Yankees playoff game on Oct. 2, 1978. Does anyone remember Bucky Dent?

4: The eight minutes I spent in an LA courtroom in 1995 between the time Judge Ito called in the jury to deliver its verdict in the OJ Simpson case and the time when I first heard, “Not Guilty.”

3: The eight minutes immediately following that verdict, during which I recognized the truth of what I’d been trying to repress for the previous ten months: the American system of trial by jury is only as good as the jury selected.

2: The eight minutes after the final episode of “The Sopranos,” during which I kept asking those who watched it with me, “Wait a minute: was that the end? After all these years? That was it?”
Then I realized that like life itself, the end comes when you least expect it.

1: AND THE WINNER IS: Sarah Palin’s eight-minute stint with Greta Van Susteren on Fox tonight.

I’m sorry, I can’t even comment on this.

My job is writing books.

I’ve written THE ROGUE.

I’ll be talking about it, and about Sarah, from late September through October. I think THE ROGUE says important things about Sarah, about religious extremists (especially Christian Dominionists), about how it’s possible to create a political identity out of a total lie, about mainstream media in America today, about racism (especially Sarah’s special brand), about the difference between image and reality (a question that has interested me since THE SELLING OF THE PRESIDENT 1968,) about what loving and raising–as opposed to using–children really means, about her whole story of her pregnancy with Trig and his birth, about hate and divisiveness and the shadows of violence that hang over our land.

I also say that Rev. Howard Bess, Walt Monegan, Gary Wheeler, and John Stein are among the coolest guys I’ve ever met, so it’s not all negative.

But right now I just can’t stand the sight of Sarah’s face or the sound of her voice. I’ve seen one and heard the other too much over the past three years.

And everything she said during those eight minutes with Van Susteren tonight indicates that she will, in fact, announce her intention to run for president. Why call President Obama a “fear-monger” who is “scaring the American people” with his “bizarre…immoral…unethical” pronouncements unless you wanted to reclaim the attention that MIchelle Bachmann has stolen from you?

Sarah will run because Michelle is running.

It’s a junior high thing, played out on a national stage to the detriment of our nation.

Not to mention that God still has Sarah on hold. I imagine that for her it’s like it was for me today calling Comcast because our phone was out of order (“due to a higher than expected number of calls, our customer service representatives are busy helping other clients: please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received.”)

We’ll get service restored no later than 2 p.m. tomorrow.

I hope The Big Guy can do at least as well for Sarah.

After all, she’s got fish to catch, moose to shoot, fences to mend, movies to promote, and presidencies to run for.

Plus, Bishop Muthee is expected back in Wasilla soon to show her how to stick pins into the voodoo doll one of her acolytes sent her, telling her it was a representation of me and my trusty frisbee.

OUCH!

The e-book idea sounded simple and attractive when first presented to me, but it turned out not to be.
In the end, negotiations over fees, rights, percentages etc. proved much more complicated than I’d expected,
and we just ran out of time.

Sorry about that: I was looking forward to meeting many readers. Maybe I’ll see you in September when THE ROGUE is published.

I bought one online for the 5 p.m. showing of “The Undefeated” in Phoenix next Friday, July 15.

Thank you for ordering tickets from MovieTickets.com!

Tracking Number: ……

Your Confirmation Number At The Theater is

Your Movie: ……….. Undefeated, The (NR)
Showtime: …………. 5:00pm, the afternoon of Fri, Jul. 15th
Theater: ………….. AMC Ahwatukee 24
4915 East Ray Rd.
Phoenix, AZ 85044

TICKETS CONFIRMED
Tickets Purchased: …. 1

TICKET TYPE PRICE QUANTITY SUBTOTAL
SENIOR $10.00 1 $10.00 USD

SubTotal: …………. $10.00 USD

Surcharge Total: …… $1.00 USD

Order Total: ………. $11.00 USD

Hope to see some friends there, and maybe even make new ones.

This movie is said to be a “mind-changer” in regard to Sarah, so maybe it will change mine.

Too late to change anything in THE ROGUE, but on my publicity tour I can always recant
my past sins, should I become a true believer.

UPDATE: Oh, wow, here’s a preview:

Am I really going to have to sit through this alone?  Dinner’s on me after the show for the first four people who also buy tix for that 5 p.m. screening and let me know.

I can you meet you here: