JOE McGINNISS

It’s being widely reported that the “Sarah Heath” who finished second in the Storm Lake Half-Marathon in Storm Lake, Iowa, this morning was actually Sarah Heath Palin of Wasilla, Alaska, and Scottsdale, Arizona.

40-49 Results – Women 21100 Half Marathon
1 Marks, Julie W46 Des Moines, IA 1
2 Heath, Sarah W47 Des Moines, IA 2

Granted, being in Iowa, the course was probably flat, but a 1:45 half-marathon is impressive for anyone, let alone a 47 year-old woman.

Those who are unable to give Sarah credit for anything will probably try to find ways to ridicule her for this–or even to claim it’s a hoax–but as a guy who once ran the New York City Marathon in 3:38, I give Sarah full credit for a strong run.

UPDATE:

Sarah checks her time at the finish line:

I post this because some people apparently believe she didn’t actually run the half-marathon today.

Come on, folks, please stay within the bounds of fact and reason.

There is no better way to discredit legitimate criticisms of Sarah than by making unfounded accusations about her mental and physical condition and then, when proven wrong, refusing to admit it and instead inventing a new conspiracy theory.

This opens the door to people saying, “Yeah, these are the same obsessives who say that she was never pregnant with Trig.”

To those of you who know that the whole Trig story is a hoax:  understand that to deny that Sarah ran 13.1 miles today in 1:45–observed doing it by hundreds who were there–is to make yourselves appear ridiculous.

I close THE ROGUE by writing:

“What should never have been more than a freaky sideshow performed on a carnival midway was transformed by John McCain’s desperation into what many still seem to see as the greatest show on earth.

“Actually, it’s long past time to strike the tent.”

 

But let’s give credit where credit is due: according to the Storm Lake, Iowa, Running Club, the woman pictured above, who entered as “Sarah Heath,” finished second in her age group in the 13.1 mile half-marathon, with a time of 1:45.

Is the Storm Lake Running Club part of a pro-Palin conspiracy, too?  Along with the Des Moines Register and the Los Angeles Times?

Sarah did finish second in the 40-49 women’s group:

Her updated and official final time was 1:46:10, or one hour, forty-six minutes, ten seconds.

As a 3:38:45 marathoner (New York, 1978, you can look it up), I again commend Sarah for a race well run.

And I again express the hope that she won’t embarrass herself and our nation by running for president.

P.S.  That first photo IS weird, and I wouldn’t trust Greta Van Susteren, who first posted it, as far as I could throw her (not that I’d ever want to try), but until hard evidence is presented that Sarah did NOT run the half-marathon today, let’s try to accept that even someone we might not like can occasionally accomplish a legitimate feat.

IF, AFTER THIS, Sarah doesn’t run for president, she’ll be leaving her last vestiges of support–those in the deer stands and duck blinds, as she referred to them today in Iowa–up Moose Creek without a paddle.

I still don’t think she’ll run. She has too much to be afraid of.

I’m not egotistical enough to suggest that the September 20 publication of THE ROGUE enters into her calculation.

I don’t think Sarah gives me or my book a moment’s thought. I know she pays scant attention to bloggers, and no attention whatsoever to chronic commenters on blogs that attack her.

I wish it were otherwise, but the hard truth is that anti-Palin bloggers and commenters–like pro-Palin bloggers and commenters–talk only to each other.

There is a whole big country out there that not only doesn’t care what Palin-centric blogs have to say, but that doesn’t even know they exist.

Sarah Palin, the phenomenon, goes on.

I still don’t think she’ll announce her candidacy, but I also realize it doesn’t matter what I think.

Sarah doesn’t care what I think.

Sarah doesn’t care what you think.

Sarah is as Sarah does.

She is a phenomenon.

I try to explain why in THE ROGUE.

Even if I don’t do it well, the fact remains, as I told Todd last May when he trespassed on to my property: “She’s a phenomenon.”

We can wish it were not so, but it is.

And trashing her in blog comments cannot change that.

Even THE ROGUE cannot change that.

A hurricane is a hurricane, and we can’t wish it away.

I don’t think we’re going to face Hurricane Sarah in 2012, but my opinion makes no difference.

Neither does yours.

I know that’s very anti-“social media,” but it’s a fact.

Not a single comment that anyone makes on anyone’s blog, nor any blog post itself, will make the slightest difference to what happens to our country between now and the presidential election of 2012.

Social media is bread and circuses, fed to the masses to distract them, while the guys and gals in power continue merrily on their ways.

Twitter is electronic masturbation. It might make you feel better temporarily, but onanism is not political action.

Blogging is a cop-out: cheap and easy.

If we want to save our country from the likes of Sarah Palin, we’ll have to take–peacefully–to the streets.

We’ll have to get off our asses and away from our keyboards and our cheap and easy snide remarks and actually do something.

Blog comments are dust in the wind.

Nobody cares what you think.

Few people care what I think, even though I’ve published twelve books.

But millions of Americans care what Sarah Palin thinks.

Is there anything we can do about that?

…I could stay home and have fun.

But I’m just not good enough to invent this true story:

Sarah Palin made a surprise visit last night to supporters, who had come from all across America to hear her major policy speech in Iowa today.

So far so good.

But where were they gathered?

At The Machine Shed restaurant in suburban Des Moines.

The Machine Shed outside Des Moines is only one outpost in this fast-growing “Timeless Traditions” chain.

There are also Machine Sheds in Davenport, Lake Elmo, Rockford, Appleton, and Pewaukee.

At this point, some readers might say, “There you go again.”

There goes me, eastern liberal elitist, putting down the heartland and its preferred cuisines.

Well, I’ll put it this way:

The Machine Sheds are owned by Heart of America Group, based in Moline, Illinois.

It’s funny they should mention “heart” because the specialties at The Machine Shed seem created to put that organ out of commission asap.

For example, how about their “Chocolate Covered Bacon?”

I’m not kidding.

They advertise is thusly:

Chocolate Covered Bacon.  The salty sweet treat is crispy and savory and conveniently on a stick.  Thick cut bacon sliced are skewered, deep fried and dipped in chocolate and sprinkled with sea salt.

That’s the first time I’ve heard of anyone sprinkling salt on bacon (coals to Newcastle, anybody?) but once you’ve dipped your bacon in chocolate, I guess anything goes.

As if that were not enough to clog the arteries of young and old (can’t you picture terrorists living in caves, munching on raw lentils, drinking goat milk, and delighting in America’s penchant for self-destruction?), The Machine Shed also offers–I kid you not–the Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger.

This is not science fiction.

This is where Sarah Palin’s supporters gathered tonight, and where she came–fresh from her fried butter on a stick–to eat chocolate covered bacon and Krispy Kreme cheeseburgers with them.

And what could be more patriotic than that?

As The Machine Shed says on its website:

The Machine Shed is a special place to celebrate the two things you love – food and family. Known for our farm-themed interior, fresh ingredients and made-from-scratch dishes that soothe and please, it’s all about traditions. It’s a food that fits each season and connects us to the Midwest by reminding us of special people and places in our lives.

No matter how wild and crazy my imagination gets, Sarah Palin, in her real life, leaves me in the dust.

And tonight I go to bed filled with yearning.

Not for Sarah, but for a Krispy Kreme Chocolate Covered Bacon Cheeseburger,” hold the stick.

Will she or won’t she?

When will she say?

Where will she say it?

Why do we care?

The Sarah Palin Lonely Hearts Club Band is getting ready to bring its medicine oil show to YOU–if you live in Iowa, or New Hampshire, or anywhere else in the USA where Fox News can reach you.

And even as mainstream media beat the tired drum of saying she’s dragged this out too long
they also say, “Sarah, we need you!”

She will not run.

You might not have heard it here first, and you might not hear it here last, but Sarah-Palin-will-not-run-for-president.

THE ROGUE will tell you why.

It has to do with who she is, who she’s always been, and who she’ll always be.

That she ever ran for vice president was a sick joke that a desperate John McCain played on us all.

The Red Rascal and Condoleeza Rice:  I’m in pretty fast company at Random House/Crown.